It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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