So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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