You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
