Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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