the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
