I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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