i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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