I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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