who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
