We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
