Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
