five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
