Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
