I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
