i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
