It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
