Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
