i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
