I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize