last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
