what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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