According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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