I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
