Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
now i know why i became what i already was.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
