so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
