some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
