Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
