Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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