The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
