Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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