Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
