Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
honey bunches of taint.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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