Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
They are going to name an STD after you.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
