i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
