The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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