I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
