Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
