And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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