i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
