Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
