it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
