Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
