Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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