The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
