theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm always down for nudity.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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