There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
