dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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