He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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