haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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