You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
