You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
