so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
