i think my mom watched the whole time
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
