He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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