So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
