Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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