There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
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