good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
P.S. I can't hear my feet
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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