And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
