so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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