I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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