so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize