Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
