You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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