told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
