Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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