Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
